Someone mentioned to me that she was having a tough time providing project updates for a Program Management Office report. Often, updates are either mundane or too detailed. Here are some lessons learned:

1. Tell me what I need to know. Not every detail or every nuance, but for this update, what do I need to know…is there a problem? Is everything fine?
2. Review your updates in sequence: what did you say the previous months? Are there key milestones which needed to be met? Problems which were referred to in last month’s update? If you line up all your updates, it should read as a coherent chronology of events…not disparate pieces of data.
3. If you’re spending more than 20 minutes on it, you’re overthinking it. People will read your update in less than a minute so keep it in perspective.
4. Read the update with fresh eyes. Is it clear….especially to someone who isn’t in the details, but is pretty smart? Updates typically get circulated to wider audiences, so be clear and don’t assume.
5. Well written updates are a test of editing more than knowledge. Write, then edit…and edit again. Boil it down to the essentials: not one unnecessary word or fact. Only the essence of what’s important.

I had a great English teacher senior year in high school. Whenever we’d ask him how long a paper needed to be, he’d say “As long as a piece of string to tie up the package nicely.” We’d look at him blankly….but 5 page papers and 60 page papers got As. Length didn’t matter to him…only the quality.

Processes are critical to the well-running of any function; unfortunately, it’s often overlooked because…well, it’s boring. But the great thing about process is that it is the way to ensure consistency. The analogy I always use is that the process is the recipe….it tells you how, not just what. Here are some lessons learned regarding processes:

1.Ensure you have the right metrics to determine the health of the process. Some metrics are rear-view mirrors, others try to forecast where you’re going. Both metrics are key, but it’s more important to have metrics you use rather than having reams of information. You know you have the right metrics when if you don’t see them, you’re looking for them.

2. Be vigilant on handoffs in the processes. Pain points are almost always from what you receive from someone else and what you hand off to someone else. It’s a relay race: how you receive the baton and how you hand off will determine how you win the race. File feeds: when, and from whom? Is it documented? Are they on time?

3. Tabletop exercise: review the process with critical eyes with all the owners of a process. Often, people don’t realize what you have to do with the data because you don’t receive it the way you need to. People get used to doing things a certain way. Reviewing the process with fresh eyes can create re-engineering opportunities and reduce re-work.

4. Cross-train and document who knows what process and who’s got entitlement to what systems. Nothing is worse than a time sensitive, critical process …and the one person who knows how to do it is out unexpectedly.

5.Continually raise the bar. If metrics are always green, and never amber, the standards might be too easy. At some point, it may be too expensive to try to always hit a 100% SLA. But maybe the cycle time for response time should go from 5 days to 3.

There are pivotal moments in your career…both as a manager and as an employee, and compensation is often one of them…receiving or delivering. Lately, I have been hearing story after story about compensation, and here are my lessons learned…

1. If your employee is shocked/surprised at their comp numbers in a bad way, that’s a problem. Either their performance wasn’t clearly communicated, and/or comp expectations weren’t managed. No one should be shocked. They might be unhappy…but they shouldn’t be shocked. You haven’t been as clear as you needed to be.

2. If you are giving someone a zero increase or bonus, you are telling the person you want them to leave. Unless there is a catastrophic event (like 2008), there is no other explanation. If someone isn’t expecting it (e.g. foreshadowing through a performance evaluation), they won’t get over it.

3. If you receive an increase in base and/or bonus, be grateful. Understand that making comp decisions is hard. And if you just got promoted, understand you’re supposed to be at the lower end of your grade so don’t compare yourself with other more experienced people at your new level.

4. Comp discussions should be short and to the point. I have heard crazy stories where managers try to justify their decisions “I didn’t know what to give you because I know you have kids in college” or “do you want the $5k bump because then your bonus gets accrued” or “I had nothing to do with the number”. Give them the number, provide some context (e.g. “you did a great job this year so we tried to reflect that in your bonus.” is one phrase I have used). That’s it. It’s not meant to be a long discussion about why…..that’s a different conversation for a different day.

5. Depending on your company, compensation varies in the proportion of art and science. Don’t try to over analyze it, don’t try to compare your numbers with someone else’s. If you think you are being underpaid, have that conversation with your manager, but not at the moment you get your comp numbers .

One company I worked at had a great process: first, they had bands for base salary based on title and function. So as a hypothetical example, if you were a VP, you knew your band was $70k to $150k. If you were at $145k, you understood you were at the top of your range and shouldn’t expect a base increase. The logic was that the marketplace price for the role was $150k at the top of the range. If you wanted to make more, you needed to get promoted to the next band or perform at the highest level to get the maximum bonus. Your bonus was based on guidelines set based on your performance, which had 2 grades: G and L. G was for goals-accomplishments. L for leadership behaviors and competencies. Personally, I liked this process the best.

One day in your career, you’ll be in the seemingly enviable position of having multiple jobs to choose from. While it seems great, it can also create a lot of stress on choosing the right one. Here are a couple of questions I think are useful to ask yourself.

1. How much power will you have in the new job? Can you really say no? If you can’t say no to a project or have a say in what’s going to happen…you might be a figurehead hire….someone who looks good, fills the role, but isn’t going to be able to do much.
2. What is the journey for the next 2-3 years? Is it evolutionary (slow change over time) or revolutionary (fast with lots of casualties)? Are you a wartime or peace time general?
3. Do you trust your boss? Not whether or not your boss is a nice person, but do you fundamentally trust them? It’s a yes or no, split second answer. Listen to your instincts.
4. Will you be able to get things done? Sometimes, you can tell the situation is highly political, with lots of people with different agendas. Ask questions in your interview on how disagreements are resolved between people.. e.g “in my old world, there was a lot of infighting between operations and sales. Does that happen here?”
5. Pretend you’re in the job. Gut check: are you happy/excited/nervous or are you anxious/”oh S&*# what did I do”? You can have some trepidation….but keep you up at night anxiety isn’t good. It’s not going to get better.

Someone asked me a great question. They have a direct report who is working on a development area…and while they want to change (high will), she isn’t seeing the change in behavior she’d like to see. So here’s my advice..the 3 Fs.

1. Frequency: if you want to help someone change behavior, the feedback needs to be constant: every time you observe the behavior happening or not happening. The key is that you’re making them aware of when they’re doing it….they might know, they might not. You’re the rubber band on the wrist every time the urge or situation arises for the individual and you observe the behavior.
2. Fairness: give feedback both good and bad, right after the event. The key is to keep the feedback fresh and delivered directly. It could be anything from “I saw that you stopped yourself from reacting to the negative comments made, and you took a moment to come back with your response” to “whoops, looks like we did the thing we’re trying not to do.” But do it for both…you need carrot and stick.
3. Faking: sometimes people need a verbal “go to” phrase when they get in a jam. If someone feels caught off guard in a meeting, rather than trying to create an answer on the spot, a phrase such as “That’s a great point, let me look into it and get back to you” can be useful. If you’re losing the attention of the audience, it can be helpful to ask “Does that make sense?” rather than re-explaining what you think people didn’t understand. Another trick is to have a code between you and your employee, e.g. when you move your phone from the right side to the left side, they need to stop talking and wrap it up.

It’s hard to break out of patterns. But when you see a particular behavior which is detrimental to an individual’s ability to contribute, it’s often the one thing which can hold them back.

Someone said to me that he had a great person working for him. The only issue? She never spoke up. He knew that she could contribute to the conversation, but for whatever reason, she wasn’t comfortable joining, particularly if there were senior people in the room.

My suggestion to him? Invite her into the conversation. Say “Judy, I know you’ve been doing some work in this space. What’s your view on what we’ve been discussing?”

Sometimes, a person who’s hanging on the sidelines really wants to join in but doesn’t know how. I used to tell my team..” I don’t expect you to always be right, but I do expect you to have a point of view.”

So next time you see the person on the sideline, invite them into the game.

I came across this quotation as a result of some work I’ve been doing and it’s so true….
“Behind every successful woman is a tribe of other successful women who have her back.”

After working for 25+ years in corporate America, there is no more truer statement. Yes, I have male ex-colleagues I still keep in touch with, but I have so many more women I can turn to for help and support.

One of my greatest regrets is that for a long time, I viewed other women as competition. This, coupled with insecurity, is a bad combination….it craters relationships and it makes you sell yourself short. You tend to keep everyone at arms’ distance. It diminishes your contribution. And it’s all your own doing.

I learned later in life that this had to change. But I regret that I hurt other people for no good reason than my own insecurity. And I shortchanged myself in having relationships.

I think this continues to hamper women…whenever I hear a story about a female boss who keeps her direct down and out of the spotlight, or a direct report who tries to undermine her boss, or a colleague who sabotages another person…I think this toxic combination comes into play.

It’s not easy to stop it…it took me a long time. As I grew more self-confident at work, I started understanding that it was just wrong to view anyone else as competition…I was only competing against myself. And that the challenges at work was too big to solve on your own…you had to team up with other people. And as I started learning, I saw I could help others by sharing my experience and what worked for me.

I also learned to reach out for help. I thought I had to be perfect, know all the answers, and never need help. I realized that when I really needed the help, other women would be easier for me to approach and ask. Never have I had a woman let me down.

So, find your tribe. Or be part of someone else’s.

For those of you who have followed my blog, you know how much I love Sandra Oh. My niece and I bemoan her departure on Grey’s Anatomy (even though I think Bailey is the new heart of that show). Cristina Yang is our hero.

In case you missed her Golden Globes Acceptance speech, here it is. The most moving part is the tribute to her parents where she thanks them in Korean and bows. The press picked up the Korean, but no one mentioned the bow. Anyone who is Korean knows what a tremendous show of respect and love that is.

Last year, she was the first Asian woman to receive an Emmy nomination for outstanding female lead. Shes been nominated for many other awards. She was the first Asian woman to host the Golden Globes. She is amazing.

To the employee – You think you know it all. You think you should be promoted already. You think you’re much smarter than your manager. And you do all sorts of things as a result of your opinion of yourself. So let me tell you the reality:

1. Everyone knows you’re in it for you. Nothing is more blatantly transparent that someone who only cares about their own agenda. It doesn’t endear you to others, it doesn’t make colleagues want to work with you, it doesn’t make other managers want you. You come off as suspect.
2. You do stupid things which show it. Like having meetings two levels up. Leaving your manager out of the loop. Not responding to emails. Making sure your manager doesn’t know what’s going on. Not cc’ing them on key emails, not telling them things they need to know. Being hard to find.
3. You honestly believe this is a strategy. Maybe you read somewhere that you have to act like you’re already at the level you want to be at. This is not what that means. Please! Just stop.

To the manager: so what do you do when you have one of these types of people working for you?

1. Have the honest conversation. Brutally honest. But keep your cool..stick to the facts. Show how they exhibit a pattern. Explain how it’s counterproductive and affecting performance: yours, hers/his, others. The key point here is not whether or not you two like each other….it’s how the behavior is affecting performance. Talk about how it is hurting the individual. How the individual is getting a reputation. How others have noticed the bad behavior. But no throwing other people under the bus.
2. Offer to help the person but make it clear that this is it. Either they are 1) oblivious (but I doubt it), 2) thought it was actually a good strategy…either way, hopefully they are willing to change. Give them feedback constantly…..this is you helping. Call them out on it. Like “that email you sent? It shouldn’t have been forwarded to me by everyone on it who saw I wasn’t on it.” But make it clear that if the person doesn’t change, there will be changes.
3. Make sure your manager has your back. Chances are this person already has been running to Mom or Dad. Keep them updated on what’s going on and how you’re handling it. Understand though, this is your job….they can’t manage the situation for you. If you’re getting taken advantage of, they’re going to expect you to handle it. Also let them know if they’re inadvertently enabling the bad behavior (e.g. giving them access).
4. Tell HR. In order to get out of the he said/she said, you need a third party. It doesn’t need to be a formal written thing, but they need to be made aware. They’ve seen this a million times,…and a good HR person will give you perspective too. Keep notes of the conversation, dates of the discussions.
5. Look at this as a development opportunity. You’re going to have people like this no matter what role you’re in….whether it’s a troublesome colleague, an unsupportive boss. Being able to deal with difficult people is the hardest lesson to learn as a manager. Your job isn’t to keep the peace…it’s to ensure that the right people are in the firm to get things done. Either this person is an asset to the firm or they’re not.

I came across this article, and I really love it. It might be too ambitious for one month, but it lists everything you should be thinking about doing….

I love number 1 and number 30. Number 1 asks the question: “Ask yourself: What do I want that I already have? What else, if anything, do I truly want?” It’s so easy to fall into the trap that more is better…we are motivated to get more of what we like. But this question makes you stop and define limits. And limits can be comforting in their own way…like a finish line at the end of a race. You’re done.

January 30: Start hugging or kissing your family before you leave for work.

I like this one too. My parents weren’t big on PDA, but my mom would always see my dad off in the morning, and be awake when he came home at night. Some nights, he’d bring her home take-out sushi from Hatsuhana as a treat. No PDA, but a lot of love.

With my own family, I am big on the hugs and kisses. To me, it’s a way to say “this is how much you mean to me”. I may not always say it in the right way, but I’m hoping you know it by what I do.