To the employee – You think you know it all. You think you should be promoted already. You think you’re much smarter than your manager. And you do all sorts of things as a result of your opinion of yourself. So let me tell you the reality:

1. Everyone knows you’re in it for you. Nothing is more blatantly transparent that someone who only cares about their own agenda. It doesn’t endear you to others, it doesn’t make colleagues want to work with you, it doesn’t make other managers want you. You come off as suspect.
2. You do stupid things which show it. Like having meetings two levels up. Leaving your manager out of the loop. Not responding to emails. Making sure your manager doesn’t know what’s going on. Not cc’ing them on key emails, not telling them things they need to know. Being hard to find.
3. You honestly believe this is a strategy. Maybe you read somewhere that you have to act like you’re already at the level you want to be at. This is not what that means. Please! Just stop.

To the manager: so what do you do when you have one of these types of people working for you?

1. Have the honest conversation. Brutally honest. But keep your cool..stick to the facts. Show how they exhibit a pattern. Explain how it’s counterproductive and affecting performance: yours, hers/his, others. The key point here is not whether or not you two like each other….it’s how the behavior is affecting performance. Talk about how it is hurting the individual. How the individual is getting a reputation. How others have noticed the bad behavior. But no throwing other people under the bus.
2. Offer to help the person but make it clear that this is it. Either they are 1) oblivious (but I doubt it), 2) thought it was actually a good strategy…either way, hopefully they are willing to change. Give them feedback constantly…..this is you helping. Call them out on it. Like “that email you sent? It shouldn’t have been forwarded to me by everyone on it who saw I wasn’t on it.” But make it clear that if the person doesn’t change, there will be changes.
3. Make sure your manager has your back. Chances are this person already has been running to Mom or Dad. Keep them updated on what’s going on and how you’re handling it. Understand though, this is your job….they can’t manage the situation for you. If you’re getting taken advantage of, they’re going to expect you to handle it. Also let them know if they’re inadvertently enabling the bad behavior (e.g. giving them access).
4. Tell HR. In order to get out of the he said/she said, you need a third party. It doesn’t need to be a formal written thing, but they need to be made aware. They’ve seen this a million times,…and a good HR person will give you perspective too. Keep notes of the conversation, dates of the discussions.
5. Look at this as a development opportunity. You’re going to have people like this no matter what role you’re in….whether it’s a troublesome colleague, an unsupportive boss. Being able to deal with difficult people is the hardest lesson to learn as a manager. Your job isn’t to keep the peace…it’s to ensure that the right people are in the firm to get things done. Either this person is an asset to the firm or they’re not.