A friend was telling me about a meeting she was having with her financial advisor. She’s conservative, so she keeps a fair amount in cash, in another account at another institution. It’s not earning much, so the advisor pressured her to move the money under him to get a better return. She was inclined to do so “because I felt stupid.” Forget about the fact that he was going to earn a 1% management fee on the money, and at her tax rate, the interest she would earn would be tiny. So a few lessons learned about experts in general:

1. The one thing you will always be expert on is what you need and how you feel about it. It’s the job of a good advisor to help you get what you need and to care about how you feel. If it doesn’t feel right, it’s not.
2. Use “experts” for their knowledge to answer questions, but don’t assume they are more expert than you. I am always amazed at how simple questions take forever to answer. Recently, someone recommended a blood thinner…but it required weekly labs and food restrictions. My girlfriend told me to get a different med…so much better.
3. Don’t be afraid to ask questions…there really is no such thing as a dumb question. The only thing you’ll regret is not asking the question. Experts are there because they’re supposed to advise you…..so you’re supposed to be asking questions.
4. Never forget what motivates your “expert”. Advisors are often compensated on very clear metrics: e.g. net new money. If you think your needs override their need to take care of their families and make a good living, you’re mistaken. It doesn’t mean they’re bad, it just means you need to understand their motivation.
5. No matter what the situation, you are your own best advocate. Whether or not it’s financial, medical, tax related….no one will advocate for you like you. If you relinquish that to “an expert”, you’ve just given away your power, and your needs will be prioritized among a larger group that expert is responsible for. When you are your own advocate, you’ll always be number one.

I have found that in my career, I’ve had what I call pivotal moments. They are those moments where you are really tested….and the outcome of how you handle that moment can affect your career going forward. Sometimes because of the aftermath, but mostly because you have now learned “your way” of dealing with the issue. So some observations:

1. Good people tend to think it’s their fault when the situation doesn’t change. I see a lot of people take on a difficult situation the best way they know how, but because nothing really changes, they think it’s their fault.
2. If a talented person is dreading coming into work every day because of the situation, they will leave. Companies are dying for talent.
3. If a talented person is disappointed because their expectations were not managed, they will leave. For example, a promotion which doesn’t happen….and it wasn’t clear to the individual.

If you are the manager, it’s up to you to be vigilant about what’s going on with your employees. If your employee surprises you by leaving, you’re not paying attention.

As an individual, there are several pivotal moments in your career I guarantee you will come across:

1. An actively or passively unsupportive boss, or worse, a boss who is threatened by you.
2. A colleague who is actively or passively unsupportive.
3. A direct report who is not going to make it.

If you haven’t had one of these, that’s great. But it’s pretty hard to avoid these as you progress in your career. A few things to keep in mind: it’s not your stuff, it’s their stuff. But how you react to their stuff can affect your quality of life. What do I find that works?

1. Kill them with kindness. I know, that’s hard when you just want to kill them or avoid them like the plague. But believe it or not, it’s not personal….and when you come from a position of wanting to help, it’s pretty hard to resist and keep being threatened by you.
2. Be frank and honest when you need to be. Don’t let bad behavior go by, and don’t sugarcoat everything. It’s all about the tone: you’re pointing out that something didn’t happen that should have, and you need the person or the situation to change.
3. Get help when it’s over your head. Sometimes, the only way to satisfactorily deal with a problem is to go to hr. Now sometimes it can backfire on you, so make sure your situation is fact based. You have to assume that it won’t be kept confidential….but the right hr person can be invaluable.
4. If you’ve done everything you can, and you’re still miserable, consider a mobility move within a company. There’s a lot of capital that’s built in being a high performer…don’t just throw it away without trying to find another home.
5. If all else fails…….and you are miserable, start looking. But sometimes things can change. Someone I know was looking, and the opportunity fell through…but she ended up getting promoted.

Someone mentioned to me that she was having a tough time providing project updates for a Program Management Office report. Often, updates are either mundane or too detailed. Here are some lessons learned:

1. Tell me what I need to know. Not every detail or every nuance, but for this update, what do I need to know…is there a problem? Is everything fine?
2. Review your updates in sequence: what did you say the previous months? Are there key milestones which needed to be met? Problems which were referred to in last month’s update? If you line up all your updates, it should read as a coherent chronology of events…not disparate pieces of data.
3. If you’re spending more than 20 minutes on it, you’re overthinking it. People will read your update in less than a minute so keep it in perspective.
4. Read the update with fresh eyes. Is it clear….especially to someone who isn’t in the details, but is pretty smart? Updates typically get circulated to wider audiences, so be clear and don’t assume.
5. Well written updates are a test of editing more than knowledge. Write, then edit…and edit again. Boil it down to the essentials: not one unnecessary word or fact. Only the essence of what’s important.

I had a great English teacher senior year in high school. Whenever we’d ask him how long a paper needed to be, he’d say “As long as a piece of string to tie up the package nicely.” We’d look at him blankly….but 5 page papers and 60 page papers got As. Length didn’t matter to him…only the quality.