Monthly Archives: November 2014

What Makes a Leader?

This is an old article from the Harvard Business Review, but reading it again reminded me of how on point it still was. Written by Daniel Goleman, who first brought the concept of “emotional intelligence” with his book, this article is still incredibly relevant, if not more.

Goleman talks about the five components of Emotional Intelligence at Work:

1) Self Awareness: what’s interesting is that the hallmarks of self-awareness are self-confidence, but also a self-deprecating sense of humor. I recently saw a job posting describing the culture of the firm: one word they used that stuck out to me that you don’t see very often- humble.

2) Self-Regulation: the simple “think, before you speak or act”. He says “People who are in control of their feelings and impulses – that is, people who are reasonable – are able to create an environment of trust and fairness.”

3) Motivation – “a passion for work for reasons that go beyond money or status.”  Phrasing this differently, the reasons can be for ideals bigger than you. Dedication to your company. Becoming a doctor because you lost a relative to a disease . The people who are really inspired and are inspiring work for something even bigger.  Motivation that’s only about you doesn’t make you a leader. If you have to tell people that you do the right thing for the firm and that it’s firm first, you’re trying too hard. Most people who are motivated by something bigger than themselves never tell you what the reason is: it’s only by getting to know them that you find out.

4) Empathy: often this is misinterpreted as trying to make everyone happy. It actually means considering employees’ feelings before you act. You can still make hard decisions while being empathetic. Empathy isn’t an excuse for not doing the right thing.

5) Social Skills: this is why teamwork comes up so much when employees are assessed. These are people who know who to call, how to get people to help: they understand how to navigate the system. They know how to pull people together, not allow them to drift apart into self interested factions.

Can you succeed without emotional intelligence? Maybe. But wouldn’t you rather be a leader who has these traits?

 

26. Be consistent. Random wins don’t make you a first string player.

Consistency is underrated because it’s boring.  But it’s hugely important.

Many times,  I’ve had people point out the times when “they were a leader”, when “they fixed problems”, or “handled things well”.  Yes, but are you consistent? For every time you exhibited those traits, were there times when you didn’t? Or is not demonstrating those traits actually your norm? Consistency means almost always.  You are almost always precise, organized, articulate, strategic, team player….

People value track records, and they value consistency. They want to know that they can always count on you to be predictable. When you’re unpredictable, you’re unreliable.

I’ve sat in a lot of promotion discussions where the issue wasn’t that the person didn’t exhibit the behaviors we were looking for, the issue was they weren’t consistent. Inconsistency raises red flags. It implies risk.

If you get feedback about things you think you do already, ask yourself if you’re consistent and be honest with yourself. When you raise the bar to become more consistent, you raise your game.

What to do when you think your boss hates you.

Someone I worked with in the past put some time on my calendar to catch up. The net net is that she was miserable.

Why? She was having a terrible time with her boss. She found him dismissive and sarcastic, he ignored her emails and requests for help. This has been going on for several months. What to do?

All of us have had the experience of working for someone you can’t connect with. Sometimes, it’s a very bad situation, where you are miserable every day you come in, overcome with anxiety about the future, and walking on eggshells that you’ll make an error.

Here’s the advice I gave:

1. Have a conversation with your manager and put your feelings on the table.  I know this is hard, but it’s the only way to deal with the problem. The key is to stay factual about the behaviors you’re observing, how it makes you feel, and how it’s impacting your ability to work. Either your manager will be surprised and will try to change their behavior, or your manager will agree with you that it’s not working between the two of you.  If it’s not working, think about whether or not the situation can change, or whether or not the relationship isn’t salvageable.  If you don’t think it can be worked out, let your manager know that you think other options need to be considered, like looking for a new role.  The key is to maintain the right tone: this isn’t about trying to address the sins of the past and leaving tomorrow. You want to deal with the problem and move forward, for both of you.

2. Once you ascertain the above, it’s time to take action. If your manager agrees it’s not working, you need to come up with Plan B. You’re better off looking for something else to do. Talk to people you trust, see if there are openings in other areas. You’re not looking to leave in a huff or make a statement, you’re just looking at other options. Sometimes it just doesn’t work.

3. Once you do find  something suitable, let your boss know. You want his or her support: again, you’re not going for a dramatic exit here. They shouldn’t be surprised given that you’ve already had the first conversation.

4. Manage the optics: it’s important that your reasons for moving aren’t because “you and your boss don’t get along”. It’s better to focus on the positive..that another opportunity that seems a better fit came up. Don’t feed the gossip mill.

5. Don’t leave your boss in the lurch. Work on the transition plan, help train the new person. No matter how the other person acts, you always want your behavior to be above reproach.