Monthly Archives: October 2014

Feedback Decoded: “You need to work on your executive presence”.

When I hear this one, it tells me that you’re doing something that would make people think you’re more junior than you are. The good news is that it’s usually about how people perceive you, as opposed to your content. So a couple of things which may be causing this:

1. Immature behavior: you could joke too much, dress too casually, be perceived as too cavalier about the job, inappropriately oversharing…just doing things more senior people wouldn’t do. Great executives are incredibly consistent, always measured. They never curse, they don’t have outbursts in public, they have a sense of humor, but you know they mean business. Ken Chenault, the CEO of American Express is a great example of consistency. In all his town halls, he is clear, measured, in charge. He always wears a blue blazer with khakis. He always starts on time. He has a sense of humor. As an employee, you feel immense confidence in  him as a leader.

2. You show your negative emotions publicly: you’re frazzled, angry, frantic from running from one thing to another and you show it to people indiscriminately.  No executive ever shows panic…outwardly. They are always calm and collected on the outside. See my previous post  on this here….

3. You have difficulty presenting to a senior audience. Practice, practice, practice. Make notes. What are the 3 points you want to make? Don’t read presentations line by line to senior people…as one managing director once said to me: “I’ve been reading since I was 12.” Ouch.

4. Your language is too personal, too colloquial, you use emoticons in your emails. “You guys” or anything overly familiar will not work. You emote on email….if people only knew how many times those emails are forwarded with a “Can you believe this?” message, they would stop doing this.

5. You’re too quiet. People aren’t sure what your point of view is. You don’t come off as someone who can make the hard decisions…worse you might come off as someone who doesn’t have a clue.

The good news is none of the above is impossible to fix. But it does require you to change your behavior…noticeably. Not just a little. You can’t be a little immature.  I once read a great quote: “I don’t take myself seriously, but I take my job very seriously.”  You need to make sure you’re not switching the two. But you’ll find that once you start focusing on your “executive presence”, people will start noticing. But it does take time to change people’s perceptions.

Why I picked the picture? You ever notice how lifeguards have absolute authority on the beach? I have never seen anyone debate with a lifeguard, who’s usually a kid with a sunburn and a whistle. They take their job seriously and show it. And people respond.

Still Learning (sigh)

So you know when you have one of those weeks when it seemed every day someone was pushing your buttons and you behaved in a way you now regret?

All of us have triggers: something that when someone does it to you, you see red. For me, it’s when someone makes excuses when something goes wrong. I am not happy when mistakes happen, but if you take accountability, explain to me how you’ll make sure it won’t happen again, I’ll get over it.

It’s a mistake to give me a bunch of excuses. I will see red. (BTW, most managers will too).

The problem is that when we see red, we lapse into our more basic “fight or flight” mode. For some people, they will start dissolving in tears. Some people will shout back and get abusive. Some people will shut down.

There is nothing harder than trying to overcome your natural tendencies. The first step is to be aware: what happens when I am in flight or fight mode? What are the warning signs so that I know to pull back, excuse myself, do something so that I’m not pushed into the danger zone? If you are self-aware, you know to take yourself out of the situation before you do something you’ll regret.

Someone sent me this article about what distinguishes the people we love to work for. It’s a great aspirational article that absolutely hits all the right points. I struggled with number 5 this week “They always think before they speak and act.” I didn’t throw a chair, but I did raise my voice and get visibly mad. Now, I’ve learned enough in my career to know not to make it personal, and I know to do number 8.”They never talk out of school”, but still. I wish I could have stayed calm and kept my volume down. I knew the person felt bad. I just didn’t exercise the self restraint because I saw red.

Still learning. Sigh

Busy vs lazy (freedom?)

I am lazy. My parents would point this out to me when I was growing up.  What that really meant I was doing what I wanted to do, not what they wanted me to be doing. In my head, I would be thinking “Can’t I just be left alone?”  I like lazy. I like not having things to do, places to go, people to see. I love empty spots of time, where I can choose what I want to do because I want to do it.  Because being lazy to me, means being able to be a kid again: to not have people scheduling meetings on my calendar (curses to Outlook), asking to do something, see something, say something.

Sometimes I just want to be on my own. Like when you’re a kid, waking up on a Saturday with the whole day ahead of you. Or when you go to college, and realize you can do whatever you want on the weekend, other than study. Or when you’re on a plane, and people can’t reach you so it’s ok to watch 5 movies in a row. Or when a meeting is cancelled, and you realize you just got time back.

Supposedly, the opposite of being busy is being lazy. I would say the opposite of being busy is having freedom.  This article gives great perspective on the perils of being busy.

Life After Work

Thought this was a great article. Erin Callen was one of those women that got a lot of press: she was the CFO of Lehman Brothers. She was smart, beautiful, and had a C level job.  Then 2008 hit. Read her article in the NY Times here.

I love her comment: “Sometimes young women tell me they admire what I’ve done. As they see it, I worked hard for 20 years and can now spend the next 20 focused on other things. But that is not balance. I do not wish that for anyone. Even at the best times in my career, I was never deluded into thinking I had achieved any sort of rational allocation between my life at work and my life outside. ”

It’s easy to think that women in senior positions have it all. But as you can see from her article, she only has it all now.

How to Have Great Presentations….(more)

Every day, I see great presentations and presentations which miss the mark. And it’s not determined by level: I’ve seen great presentations by junior people and poor ones from very senior people.

So I want to share some observations which might help you. But before I go there….

My pet peeves: tiny font (don’t go less than 12). Huge font. Lack of consistency in format from page to page. No page numbers. Cute pictures or drawings. Too many words: don’t write like you speak. Write like a lawyer. Clear and concise. If you use acronyms, spell it out in parentheses the first time you use it. Spell check (no typos). No weird colors. When using numbers be crystal clear on how they are being calculated. No clear conclusion page (e.g. next steps)…the deck just seems to end mid story. Simple is a hundred times more difficult, but it’s a hundred times more effective.

Hints:

  • Always look at the prior presentations you’ve made on the subject when writing your next one. It’s strange, but a lot of people don’t. It’s part of the story you’re telling. Beware of putting slides they have already seen in front of them again: it looks like there’s been no progress.
  • What are the one or two key messages you want the audience to remember? Is it that everything is going well? Is it that we have some risk? Make sure you know what those key messages are and that you say them In the beginning, in the middle, and at the end.
  • Be clear about what you want your audience to do with the information. Do you need a decision? Are you just informing them? Many times, people present without being clear what it is they need or want from the audience.
  • Send your presentations to your boss ahead of time. No one in your reporting line (boss or subordinate) should be surprised by what’s being presented.
  • When presentations are going badly, stop them. I once sat in on a presentation where the most senior person was getting more and more angry. The presenter kept trying to make his point. I finally intervened and said “David, it looks like we have some more work to do. Let us come back to you with a redraft.”  Sometimes you have to cut your losses.
  • Tell the audience what’s interesting about the work being done….something that they wouldn’t normally know….that is usually the one thing they will remember. What are the insights you have to share?
  • Thank the people who have contributed to the work/success of what you’re presenting. That one thing usually goes a long way to building teamwork. Saying “I” all the time will grate on some folks.
  • Be cautious about re-purposing presentations. It’s rare that the same deck does the job for all situations.
  • Give feedback to others if you were in the audience. Presenters usually know if it went well or not…but they may not always know why.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month

I used to be one of those people who didn’t pay much attention to breast cancer. I am Asian, don’t smoke or really drink, no family history, and small chested.

Until earlier this year, when I was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer.  As a result of the diagnosis, I went through a needle biopsy, a lumpectomy, and radiation.  All good so far, with tamoxifen for the next 5 years.

So naturally, I have lessons learned about this. Also what surprised me.

1. Listen to your instinct. My ex-gyn did not think it was necessary for me to have a mammogram because I was a low risk candidate for breast cancer. My gut told me otherwise, and I changed doctors. Sure enough, my mammogram showed cancer cells, looking like rice krispies on the screen. At that point, you go into shock. But I started educating myself very quickly on DCIS, and learned in most cases, it wasn’t fatal.

2. Get a mammogram if you’re supposed to.  My cancer cells were behind my nipple: I had no lump. I would never have found my cancer through self examination. I am grateful for the technology that exists that can find cancer early. Yes, it’s uncomfortable. They tell you to hold your breath…”Really? I can’t breathe!” But it’s over fast.

3. Take care of yourself: I worked until my radiation was halfway done. It was 28 days, 5 days a week, 3 minutes at a time. I would go have the radiation, and then run to work. I tried moving my radiation appointments: mornings, afternoons. I finally conceded that I was driving myself crazy and took some time off.

4. Early detection dramatically changes treatment.  Was the biopsy, lumpectomy and radiation easy? No, but it was absolutely easier than a mastectomy and chemo. Don’t put off the tests.

5. Try to remember the promises you made when you were scared. Cancer makes you rethink your priorities. I try to leave work at around 5:30 now, because I know that nothing can be taken for granted. Work can wait.

What surprised me:

1. The needle biopsy. I thought the doctor was just going to put a needle into me, that it would be quick. It wasn’t. I had to be in a mammogram machine so that they could see exactly how to position the needle. I was in the machine for over an hour. The room was hot, and I thought I was going to pass out. The first biopsy hit the wrong spot. The doctor asked me if I wanted to come back. I can’t print what was going on in my head at the time. The nurse later told me “I kept talking to you because a lot of women pass out.” I just thought she was bizarrely chatty. I was black and blue afterwards: I looked like someone had beaten me up. But I am grateful to him: his biopsy apparently took out the cancer cells: my lumpectomy came back clean.

2. Radiation: the table you lie on is hard, and really narrow so they can position the machine around you. They put tiny tattoo marks on you so that they know exactly how to position the machine. It lasts for only a few minutes. When they offer to help you up, take their hand. I almost fell off the table the first time.

3. People are unbelievably kind when you don’t expect it: it’s the people you don’t expect: the massage therapists, the intake nurse, the radiologists. The person who oversaw my radiation treatment was a nice quiet young man. He’d end the treatment saying “OK dear, you’re all done.” as if I was 100 years old. It was comforting.

4.Vanity.  During radiation, I didn’t really see any changes, and then boom! My chest had a purple/dark tan. It was weird and ugly. I didn’t really want to look in the mirror during this period. But you keep putting on the cream religiously, and it eventually fades and peels like a sunburn. Yes, vanity still hits even when you have cancer.

5. I didn’t tell people you’d assume you’d tell. My parents, for instance. I can’t see the benefit of telling my parents, who live in Florida and are retired. I know them: they would wake up every day worrying and obsessing about me. More than they normally do. They’d have a thousand questions. They’d call me up continuously to be reassured. That wouldn’t help me.  I told the people who could handle it.

 

 

 

23. Always take the tough assignment.

Remember in school when you had easy teachers and hard teachers? The easy teachers didn’t really push you, everyone got a good grade. The hard teachers were the ones who gave you a tough work load, kept you on your toes, had you try harder.

When I was a freshman, I was taking a history class and submitted my first paper. When I got it back, it was a C-. Now, it had been a long time since I had gotten a grade that low. I was convinced that my acceptance into school was a mistake, and that I would definitely be flunking out.

So with each paper I tried harder. Slowly, I worked my way up the letters: C, B-, B’s.  My last paper….I finally got an A, but I knew that my grade for the class would be the average of all my papers, so I knew I would, at best, get a B-/C for the course.  This was a big disappointment for me: history was my major, and I started questioning whether or not I could make it.

When I got my grades for the semester, I was completely shocked that my professor had given me an A for the class. So I went to see him to find out why. He looked at me and said “You did the work. I know how hard it was for you. But you did the work, and finally got to where I thought you could be.”

That experience was a million years ago. But I still remember it, because it taught me that you learn the most about yourself and you gain some invaluable skills with the hard assignments. You don’t learn if it’s easy. And the goal is to learn, gain skills and confidence in yourself and what you can do, so you can tackle the next thing.

I didn’t love my professor while I was going through this process, spending late nights at the library. Often, you resent the people who are pushing you and holding you the higher standards. Here’s what I realized: they hold the higher standard because they believe in you.