Someone asked me a great question. They have a direct report who is working on a development area…and while they want to change (high will), she isn’t seeing the change in behavior she’d like to see. So here’s my advice..the 3 Fs.

1. Frequency: if you want to help someone change behavior, the feedback needs to be constant: every time you observe the behavior happening or not happening. The key is that you’re making them aware of when they’re doing it….they might know, they might not. You’re the rubber band on the wrist every time the urge or situation arises for the individual and you observe the behavior.
2. Fairness: give feedback both good and bad, right after the event. The key is to keep the feedback fresh and delivered directly. It could be anything from “I saw that you stopped yourself from reacting to the negative comments made, and you took a moment to come back with your response” to “whoops, looks like we did the thing we’re trying not to do.” But do it for both…you need carrot and stick.
3. Faking: sometimes people need a verbal “go to” phrase when they get in a jam. If someone feels caught off guard in a meeting, rather than trying to create an answer on the spot, a phrase such as “That’s a great point, let me look into it and get back to you” can be useful. If you’re losing the attention of the audience, it can be helpful to ask “Does that make sense?” rather than re-explaining what you think people didn’t understand. Another trick is to have a code between you and your employee, e.g. when you move your phone from the right side to the left side, they need to stop talking and wrap it up.

It’s hard to break out of patterns. But when you see a particular behavior which is detrimental to an individual’s ability to contribute, it’s often the one thing which can hold them back.