Be Less Intimidating

Often, strong power people receive this feedback. And often the first reaction is “But I’m nice! I want people to like me! I don’t want them to be afraid of me!”

Intimidating doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a bad, mean person. It means that sometimes, your power overwhelms the individual and puts them into “flight/fight” mode.

Five things you can do to start changing that perception:

  1. Be the last person to speak in a meeting. Not the first. Strong power people tend to be the first. Be the one who sums up what got discussed, next steps.
  2. Thank people when they give you bad news. Guess what, if you yell at them? They stop. Do you really want to be the last to know?
  3. Show affirming behavior in a meeting. When a colleague or junior person is talking, presenting, and you agree: nod, make eye contact. Say you agree.  Throw your support their way.
  4. Acknowledge publicly when your colleagues or more junior people do well. When you say things like “We never could have gotten this project without Joe/Mary/Tim’s help”, watch them get taller.
  5. Smile. Say hello. If you look like you’re mad, people assume you are.

Ten Things That Make Life Easier

  1. Figure out what looks good on you, style and color and stick with it. No more needless experimenting!
  2. Stick with the same bag during the week. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve forgotten keys, blackberry, wallet…because I changed bags.
  3. Put the important things in the same place all the time: key, phones, passport. No coming up with new places to put your diamond studs or treasured watch.
  4. Build inventory for necessities BEFORE you need them. Nothing worse than running out of coffee: buy the extra bag and throw in the freezer.
  5. Tuck a $20/$50 bill in your wallet where you can’t see it. This is your emergency money for when you really need it.
  6. Jewelry always travels with you. I got a pearl necklace stolen out of checked baggage…it cost me $5 in the Bahamas, but I loved it and still miss it.
  7. Don’t underestimate the power of the neighborhood cobbler. He can work wonders on boots and shoes…..the more expensive part of your wardrobe.
  8. Even if you think you’re saving a good amount of money, save more.
  9. Slow down and focus in those moments it matters: like the dr/dentist office. Really listen to what they are saying.
  10. Post its are your best friend. It’s hard to forget something when you write it down.

Patience

Someone asked me if I was a patient person. It gave me pause.

I would say that I am patient with the person, but I’m not patient with the progress of whatever it is we’re working on.

I used to be really impatient with people: I felt that if they weren’t doing what they were supposed to be doing, it was deliberate, they were lazy and I’d write them off. It never occurred to me that it might be because they didn’t know how or were afraid to try.

So now, I assume if we’re not getting the results we want, they don’t know the how. And that I can usually help with.

Small Things

I believe that the quality of your life is really determined by small things…not big things done once in a lifetime, but the small things you consistently do for yourself. So here’s my list:

  1. Always look both ways before crossing the street: I don’t care what the light says.
  2. You can eat anything….as long as you made it yourself.
  3. Never try to catch a falling knife.
  4. If you’re wondering whether or not your shirt/pants/dress/is fresh enough to wear again, it’s not.
  5. There is no such thing as bad weather…just bad clothing. Invest in a windproof umbrella, good boots, a waterproof trench, a warm coat.
  6. When you get in an elevator at work or at home, always say hello even if you don’t know anyone.
  7. If for any reason you don’t feel safe, walk to the lights, wait for the next elevator, go find someone to wait with. Never ignore your gut.
  8. When someone’s having a bad day (like a waitress, booking agent, customer service rep), acknowledge that it must be tough for them.
  9. When someone gives you a compliment via email, always thank them back.
  10. If it’s a choice between putting something away or leaving it where it doesn’t belong, put it away.

Have a great weekend!

When You Think You’re Behind

I recently had a conversation with someone who was anxious about the timing of her promotion. She was concerned that if she didn’t have the platform, she should be looking to make a move to a new role in time for this year’s process. She was seeing “peers” get promoted. But she has managers who are actively helping her expand her platform.  Some advice I gave her: Continue reading →

Wisdom

I consider myself really fortunate to have people in my life who are amazing mentors and role models. I just met with one who had recently retired from a very senior job, her choice. As we were talking about the transition, she said something to me that struck me:

“What was in the background now comes into the foreground.” Continue reading →

When Your First Reaction is No

I’ve had lots of different roles in my career. And I can pretty much vouch that I’ve always tried to talk the hiring manager out of hiring me.

Like many, I felt that if there was any part of the job that I didn’t know, I was unqualified.

The fact is that if the job’s a stretch, there’s probably at least 40-45% of the role which will be completely new. And that will feel terrifying and seem like grounds for disqualification.

Here’s the thing: you’ll learn the things you don’t know…which is the whole point of taking the next opportunity. It’s ok to feel terrified at a certain level. But don’t rationalize it as an excuse so you don’t make the leap.

Every time someone has spoken to me about the terrifying new job they’ve been presented? I almost always tell them: “Come see me in a month, I think you’ll be great at it”. And that’s pretty much what happens.