Often, strong power people receive this feedback. And often the first reaction is “But I’m nice! I want people to like me! I don’t want them to be afraid of me!”
Intimidating doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a bad, mean person. It means that sometimes, your power overwhelms the individual and puts them into “flight/fight” mode.
Five things you can do to start changing that perception:
- Be the last person to speak in a meeting. Not the first. Strong power people tend to be the first. Be the one who sums up what got discussed, next steps.
- Thank people when they give you bad news. Guess what, if you yell at them? They stop. Do you really want to be the last to know?
- Show affirming behavior in a meeting. When a colleague or junior person is talking, presenting, and you agree: nod, make eye contact. Say you agree. Throw your support their way.
- Acknowledge publicly when your colleagues or more junior people do well. When you say things like “We never could have gotten this project without Joe/Mary/Tim’s help”, watch them get taller.
- Smile. Say hello. If you look like you’re mad, people assume you are.