I haven’t added a new lessons learned in forever…but I wanted to add this one. This is based off the saying “If you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras.” I never really got that, but now I think it’s absolutely brilliant.
This one is in the same family of assuming positive intent… I find that I tend to jump to the worst case scenario. Not so much because I’m pessimistic, but because I tend to be a problem solver, so my mind immediately jumps to the worst case and what the solution would need to be.
While it’s great to be a problem solver, you can waste a lot of energy problem solving something that isn’t a problem, not to mention the stress you put yourself through. So how to handle?
- Think proximity: whatever the problem is, what is the most likely answer? If someone doesn’t answer your email, the most probable answer is the person is busy….not that the person is purposely ignoring you. It’s like the multiple choice questions: one answer is obviously wrong….don’t go there first.
- Try sending up test balloons: instead of taking action on the worst case, test small actions. A quick text “Hi, not sure you saw my email…was I on target?” is better than stewing that you’re being ignored and having it grow into something a lot bigger.
- De-personalize. Is this person notorious for not responding to emails? Being late to meetings? Having a sharp tongue? It’s likely this is their MO….and it’s not personal.
Very well said! More often than not our mind is wired to think a bit much and in most scenarios that’s what leads to overthinking and baseless conclusions. In my experience, taking a step back to also consider alrernative thoughts helps too such as what form of communication works best. For example – would sending a quick instant message work better than multiple email chasers.
Trying new ways is good exercise for the mind too. 🙂
Definitely…..it’s too easy to become an “email stalker”….which only makes you feel worse!