“No Substitute for In Person Talking“….this is an oldie but goodie. Interestingly, this has only gotten more relevant in our new times of zoom and remote everything. I would argue it’s even more important now….and some more thoughts on the topic.

At the time I wrote this, it was in the context of work and misunderstandings. So a couple of additional comments on this for real-life…

1. If you do not have a good relationship with the person, or you’re in a middle of a disagreement, sending anything in writing is probably a bad idea. Why? One, because it’s a one sided approach…you get to say whatever you want, you shut out the other person, and what you write is memorialized forever: forever available to be forwarded, printed, what have you. Just don’t.
2. In normal situations (work and life):
   1. Texting/chats are best used when it’s simply an exchange of information and facts. I use it when I have a very specific question that can be answered in 2 sentences.  If you’re asking something more complex, email or call.
   2. Emails
      1. Be clear. If your email is going beyond 2 paragraphs, that’s not an email…that’s a word document that should be attached because it’s some sort of report. Maybe you’re delivering an update so you need to go a bit longer.  But if you’re making your point of view clear or asking for a favor, shorter is better. There’s a good chance you’re going to lose me if it’s longer.
      2. If you screwed up, apologize in the opening line. “I misinterpreted the ask, and consequently may have confused some folks….”  I do this because if I screwed up, I want to own it. No excuses or long explanations. Just get it out there and deal with the fix. One caveat: you can’t apologize and then explain why you’re right. As my Sicilian godmother said to me “An excuse is the skin of a reason wrapped around a lie.”
      3. Be succinct. I joke with friends when they’re doing the “Charlie Babbitt hurt and twisted my arm”….remember in the movie Rainman how Dustin Hoffman’s character had the notebook where he listed every time he got hurt?  Sometimes, you just have to let the past go. When people start dredging up stuff from the past into a long litany….it’s just not going to improve matters. Put the notebook down.