So you know when you have one of those weeks when it seemed every day someone was pushing your buttons and you behaved in a way you now regret?

All of us have triggers: something that when someone does it to you, you see red. For me, it’s when someone makes excuses when something goes wrong. I am not happy when mistakes happen, but if you take accountability, explain to me how you’ll make sure it won’t happen again, I’ll get over it.

It’s a mistake to give me a bunch of excuses. I will see red. (BTW, most managers will too).

The problem is that when we see red, we lapse into our more basic “fight or flight” mode. For some people, they will start dissolving in tears. Some people will shout back and get abusive. Some people will shut down.

There is nothing harder than trying to overcome your natural tendencies. The first step is to be aware: what happens when I am in flight or fight mode? What are the warning signs so that I know to pull back, excuse myself, do something so that I’m not pushed into the danger zone? If you are self-aware, you know to take yourself out of the situation before you do something you’ll regret.

Someone sent me this article about what distinguishes the people we love to work for. It’s a great aspirational article that absolutely hits all the right points. I struggled with number 5 this week “They always think before they speak and act.” I didn’t throw a chair, but I did raise my voice and get visibly mad. Now, I’ve learned enough in my career to know not to make it personal, and I know to do number 8.”They never talk out of school”, but still. I wish I could have stayed calm and kept my volume down. I knew the person felt bad. I just didn’t exercise the self restraint because I saw red.

Still learning. Sigh