Category Archives: Happiness

Could You Wear the Same Thing Every Day?

I have always said to people that if they issued a uniform at my place of work, I’d be ecstatic.

In the absence of that, I have my own version of wearing a uniform: skirts, crewneck sweaters, twinsets, and a necklace. In colors that mix and match.  I have a uniform for weekends too: dark denim, turtlenecks, a jacket. It’s just easier. If they had Giranimals for adults, I’d sign up. Continue reading →

2. Say Thank You (more)

Whenever I talk about my lessons learned, people always pick this one as one of their “so obvious, but we don’t do this” lessons.

Guilty. I don’t do this enough either. And I am always humbled by people taking the time to thank me for meeting with them, or holding a lunch and learn session…the heartfelt emails are terrific.

But what I save are the little handwritten notes. Because I know they went home and got out their stationery, and took the time to write something, and mail it back to me.  These notes strike a chord in me: of a time when letters were the norm, not the exception, and what it means to have something that is more than just a quickly typed up message. There is something about the process of handwriting something that is so much more personal and authentic.

There are lots of ways to say thank you…and all of them are good. Some stay with you longer than you think.

Enough

Another powerful word. What is enough for you?

A story: two writers, Joe Heller and Kurt Vonnegut meet at a party. Kurt tells Joe “Our host made a billion dollars. More money than you made on your best seller.” Joe responds “Yes, but I have something he’ll never have.” “What’s that?” Kurt asks. “Enough.”

Think about what enough looks like for you. Does it mean vacations twice a year? Not worrying about retirement? Paying for your kid’s tuition?  Being able to sleep at night without worrying about bills?

Define it for yourself and put a plan in place. No matter what, you’re going to want enough.

 

 

Being a Depression Era Baby

Being the child of immigrant parents, I definitely grew up with a sense of not wasting (food, electricity, anything). And as I started working, I struggled to get some balance between my spending and earning. Do I buy because I want it? Because I can afford it? So, for me, my peace of mind is based on being frugal, because I spend less on stuff I don’t need. It’s that simple.  I don’t buy because I can, I buy because I really want to.  There’s a great saying from World War II that has resonated with me.

“Use it up.” – Are you one of those people with lots of half empty bottles? This one is for you. Try and wait till you’re really need the next bottle.

“Wear it out.” – We never wear things out anymore. We buy because we want variety. There are two lessons learned, especially as it relates to your wardrobe: 1) you only wear about 10% of your wardrobe consistently, and 2) once you figure out what looks good on you, you tend to buy it over and over, but you upgrade the quality.

“Make do.” – You don’t need every gadget. You probably have something can do the job just as well already.

“Do without.” – You just don’t buy it. You keep walking.

Recite this once when you’re tempted to buy something you know you don’t need. Here’s an interesting article about living with a lot less.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Whether or not you’re in a relationship, Valentine’s Day is about more than just your significant other.

It’s easy to get swept up in the demands of the job, but moments of joy, for me,  only happen with the people I love. (LL#10)

I know for me, work gives me purpose. But the people I love give my life meaning.

13. Be brave. Stand up for your position.

It’s easy to avoid antagonism, arguments, aggressive people. It’s much easier to conform and be politically correct. But if you want to learn, lead, and innovate, you have to be brave.

Being brave is always about two things: 1) speaking up and 2) taking the unpopular, but what you believe to be right position.

This is an interesting article by Peter Thiel, who co-founded PayPal, among other achievements. He talks about how great companies succeed, not by competing with each other, but by being so good at what they do, no one can provide a substitute.  I think this is also how people succeed: not because they compete with each other, but because they are great at what they do, and because not many others do the work necessary to come close.

He also talks about the problem of conformity “We never really push the envelope; we never really ask the tough questions.”  I love the last line of his article:  “And remember, we live in a world in which courage is in far shorter supply than genius.”

So don’t let the moment pass by being silent. Speak up. Be brave.

You didn’t get promoted…now what?

Nothing is more disappointing than not getting something you were expecting/hoping for.

In my career, I have had many people come to my office upset because they didn’t get promoted. I always ask the one question:

“Did you have a conversation with your manager about promotion?”

Every time, the answer is no.

I know everyone wants to believe that their works speaks for itself. That it will come to them because they deserve it. That it’s impolite to bring it up if your manager hasn’t.

Nope. Here’s the reason why: your manager may think you’re not interested.

Once you have the conversation, a couple of things will happen:

1. Your manager will be supportive: you’ll work on a plan together to make it happen.  If your manager is supportive, you’ll probably see the change right away. Someone I spoke to who did this saw that she was given much more exposure, invited to more meetings, and given the ball more frequently. That’s exactly what should happen.

2. Your manager might be surprised and not think you’re ready. The question you need to ask is “Is my promotion an if or a when question”?   Someday is different than never.

If the answer is “when”, you need to have a frank conversation about what you need to work on. Is it platform, perception, or performance? (see LL#24)  Create a set of action steps with your manager, and schedule a quarterly touch base on how the plan is progressing. Don’t get too hung up on timeframes: you want to be ready when it happens.

If the answer is “if”, meaning they’re not convinced you can operate at the next level, you need to ask yourself the hard question: “Is my manager right?”

I have had many conversations in my career with people who thought they were ready to be promoted, but I didn’t agree. Often it’s a timing issue. But sometimes, it’s not, especially at the more senior level. It’s a hard conversation to have because the individual compares themselves to other people at that level, or because they are strong performers in their current role.  But that’s not the only thing needed. So here are two things to think about:

1. Do you trust your manager’s opinion?  If your manager is telling you you’re not ready, are they specific with your areas of weakness? Is your manager respected within his or her peer group?  Have you heard this feedback before? Do you think other people you respect would agree with your manager’s assessment? Do you respect your manager’s opinion? Do you think it can be changed?

2. Why do you think you should be promoted? Will you be able to meet the criteria of the new role? Have you demonstrated that consistently to a meaningful population? Why does your opinion differ from your manager’s?

Keep in mind: it’s easy for a manager to put a candidate forward, and let the process weed weak candidates out. It’s a lot harder for a manager to have the honest conversation. It may not be what you want to hear, but at least they told you the truth from their perspective. There is nothing worse than 1) the promotion that clearly was too early, or 2) the loss of a talented person who didn’t realize they were on the promotion track.

So in order to prevent those two things from happening, have the conversation before you decide what to do next.

 

Quotes I Love

I was re-reading my journal and came across this quote I had copied from somewhere that I think is so profound.

“Worry is the product of a future that we cannot guarantee.

Guilt is the product of a past we cannot change.”

So, my lesson learned is that all you can do is your best in the present. You can learn from your past, and anticipate and plan for the future, but if you can say that you’re done your best today, you’ve done all you can.