People get nervous speaking in front of others. Especially if you’re thoughtful, care about what other people think, and don’t want to be wrong. Sound familiar?
Like anything else, half of it is good preparation, knowing your materials, having established the buy in where needed. The other half is muscle memory.
It’s almost always “Where we are, where we want to be, and how we’re going to get there.”
In my 25+ years working, I have given, received, reviewed many presentations. To small groups, to large groups. To friendly audiences, and to hostile ones. Met with applause, met with the sound of crickets. With paper presentations around a table, and on a screen on a stage. So my lessons learned….it’s a story. It starts out “Once upon a time”….and ends….well, that’s the question right?
Notice I didn’t say what was important to you. By core value, I mean something that defines how you want to live your life. That if this value isn’t driving your choices, you’re going to be unhappy. Lie awake at night worrying. Regretting choices. Stress eating. Behavior that you know is detrimental to your overall well being.
So fill it in: If I am not ______, I won’t/can’t be truly happy.
I got this lesson from the book, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie. It is something I try to remember.
Most of us are trained to think about every possible outcome and every scenario in order to come up with the best approach to tackle a problem. While that kind of “worst case scenario thinking” can be helpful, it can also become overwhelming. Couple that training with the desire to not make a mistake and to always be right, (who wants to make mistakes and be wrong?), you have a perfect set up to constantly worry.
Worrying is thinking that the worst might happen. For some people, it’s a fleeting thought. For others, it becomes a nagging preoccupation that takes energy and time. Continue reading
This is something I learned that takes time, but is definitely worth it…what I used to call “spend 5 hours now to save 60 later”.
This is particularly important in situations when controversial recommendations or findings will be presented. They tend to be large committees, cross functional, dealing with thorny issues where there will be “losers” and “winners” (like a change in cost allocation. Or recommended budget cuts. Or recommended process changes. Or any change). Or they can be situations where the team is now at a crossroads and needs to make a big change in strategy in order to get back on track. Or situations where what people think isn’t what’s actually going on, and it falls on you to communicate that.
For those situations, I have seen the value of “pre-selling”. Continue reading
f someone is faltering, ask yourself “Is it a skill or will issue?” Skill you can change, will you can’t.
This is something I learned to use as a manager as a helpful way to assess people. So think of the x and y axis: one representing “will” and the other “skill”. Will is the desire to do whatever it takes in the job to be successful, skill represents the technical aspects of the job, and on both, one can score from low to high. Continue reading
So basic, so simple. But it was (and still is) so hard for me to do. I am shy, an introvert…INTJs unite! I would get embarrassed saying hello to people I didn’t know. It just got easier to look at the ground and walk by. Except it’s not polite. It’s not nice. People interpret the absence of saying hi to mean something else: you’re not important, I don’t care about you, I have other things to do, I’m annoyed about something you did or didn’t do. Nature abhors a vacuum. So when you are at work, say hi. And smile.
I’ve always disliked getting performance reviews. Not because they were necessarily bad…I just didn’t really get the point of them. They always seemed to be very carefully worded and somewhat arbitrary. They told me what I already knew, and seemed to hint at what I needed to work on….but lightly. Plus, it seemed like everything got stored up for the big reveal: first hint at midyear, then the big discussion at year end…when it seemed too late to really do anything.
As a manager, you need to give feedback quickly and frequently, good and bad. You want people to make mid-course corrections and to learn. Similar to advice on disciplining children, you should focus on the behavior, not the person. I think this applies as well here. Feedback should be about every day performance. And eventually, all that feedback helps someone answer the bigger questions such as promotion and potential. But first, the day to day. Continue reading
Often, people misunderstand other people’s intentions….especially when the majority of our communications are non-verbal. Hastily sent emails on blackberry are not the best ways of conveying information, yet it’s the majority of what we do.
So when you get the email which strikes you as nasty, rude, abrupt, condescending, embarrassing, humiliating….(add adjective) and you start drafting an equally annoyed response….
Or when a peer tells you that they were talking to your boss, and your boss is “upset that you’re not pulling your weight”, “you’re not competent”, “unhappy with you”…
Or when someone is giving you feedback that strikes you as wrong….
Assume positive intent. Assume that they are not trying to get you upset, angry, humiliated. Assume that they want the best for you, but the way they are communicating it is not making you feel that way.
Obvious right? Of course you’d do the right thing. No one comes into work saying, “Today, I’m going to do the WRONG thing!”. No one intends to the wrong thing. So why am I saying this? Why am I ranking it number 1?
Without this, all the other lessons on the list are not important. Because without this, it’s like building a tower on a bad foundation. You might not see the issues today, or tomorrow. But eventually, it will catch up with you. Because if you concede on certain issues now, you’ll keep conceding. You might not get found out, so you’ll think it’s ok to do. But at some point, you’ll have crossed the line without even realizing you did. So the key is to recognize when you’re getting too close to the line…. So here are the rationalizations I have heard when you get too close to the line.