Recently, this has come up more and more in my conversations with women: situations where someone is struggling with a difficult individual, trying to get their job done. Worst thing? Every situation is woman/woman.
I can put up with a lot (incompetence, mistakes, laziness) but the worst behavior is bullying in the workplace. Here’s a definition I found online:
“Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively dominate others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual.”
I know, you’ll tell me that it never happens. This is the person on the call who is against every suggestion you want to make. This is the person who implies that if you don’t do what they want, they will go to your boss. This is the person who makes you feel very uncomfortable and you hate meeting with them.
Here are three things I have tried, with varying success…
- Beginning: when you’re starting to see the warning signs, address it immediately. Meet with this person individually to catch up: “I’ve noticed you don’t agree with how I’m proceeding with the project. Is there something you think I should be doing that I’m not? I’m concerned that we’re not all on the same page.”
- Middle: if the person is still doing it and jeopardizing your project, you need to tell your boss. Be specific about the incidents, even ask them to join a meeting. Keep meeting with the individual so that you have a track record of trying….even if they cancel them. At least you tried.
- End: hopefully your project is still successful. Even if it’s over, have a discussion with the individual in the spirit of “doing things better the next time.”
The caveats: you need to be right (does this person have a point?), you need to be calm in tone but firm about how you feel, and your motivation is the success of the project, not how you might look to others.
If you see bullying, intervene. Don’t assume the victim knows what to do. Do the right thing. Help them. Speak up. I have either addressed it in the meeting, spoken to the person privately, or spoken to HR. No one deserves to come to work with dread in their hearts.
Bullies: stop it. You might get away with it now, but it won’t last.