This is another way of saying you’re too nice. When someone says this to me, it almost always is in reference to someone who is very nice, easy to get along with, non-confrontational, goes with the flow.

Those would seem like positive attributes. Here’s what they’re worried about: every person will be faced with making a hard decision in their career: one that’s unpopular, difficult, emotionally draining, but still the absolute right thing to do. The question in their mind is “will you still be able to do the right thing, even if it’s difficult?”  You can’t be maniacal about doing the right thing if you’re afraid of the hard decisions.

If you get this feedback, you want to make sure it’s clear to people around you that while your style may be balanced and calm, you can still make the hard decisions. When’s the last time you put a contrary position on the table for discussion? When’s the last time you productively pushed back?  People look for examples of past behavior to confirm that you have the ability to do so in the future.

If you’re not able to do it, try to understand what holds you back. Are you afraid of being wrong? Have you always been the peacemaker in your family? Are you afraid of confrontation?

What helps me push through my fears is if I believe it’s the right decision. When it’s about the decision, it gets easier because it’s not about you. Try not to focus on what it means for you….instead, focus on why you believe. Then make your case.