Don’t take things personally.

In the Godfather, Michael is admonished by his brother Sonny, to which he responds…

There is nothing harder than not taking things personally when you’re a 1) control freak, 2) take pride in your work, 3) Type A personality.  Every suggestion feels like a criticism, or worse, a shortcoming.  This is something I’ve grappled with my whole life. So what helps?

1. Remind yourself it’s not personal. It’s just not. How well does the other person know you?  If they don’t know you well, it can’t be personal because they don’t know you.
2. Look at the intent. Is the person suggesting things directly to you, without an audience? Is the person invested in your success, because your success means theirs as well?  Unless they want your job, chances are they want you to be successful.
3. Accept that you don’t know everything. You don’t. Neither do they. Your job will only get harder as you progress, so someone taking the time to say something to you means they care.  Would you rather they say nothing? Is what they’re saying true?
4. It is business. Sometimes business can feel intensely personal. It’s important to remind yourself that they are usually two very separate things to most people. It’s not that they don’t care, it’s that it doesn’t feel personal to them.
5. Don’t misinterpret style for character.  Sometimes people are curt or seem cold…it doesn’t they are unfeeling, nasty, uncaring, “trample all over you” people. There are times when people will cut to the chase…usually when time is of the essence (surgeons, chefs). It doesn’t mean they are bad people.