New York Magazine recently had an interesting article called “Get Happier” focused on a class taught at Yale by Professor Santos. She designed a course that focuses on positive psychology. It’s a great article for so many reasons….

What really resonated with me is the focus on exercises for self-betterment. We know that nothing changes unless our behavior changes, and she makes the case that happiness is no different. “Keep a daily gratitude journal for seven days; take a survey to determine your signature strengths, get at least 7 hours of sleep for 3 days in a row.”  There are all sorts of suggestions: be present (leave your phone alone), sleep, having time makes you more happy than money….how do you get there?

I think you have to be honest with yourself about:

1. Your capacity. I will never be one of those daughters who call their mother every day….once a week I can do. I don’t beat myself up about it anymore, because I know that if I talk to her more, I’m just going to get more stressed out. A lot of times people get stressed because they know they should say “no”, but they say “yes”.  Sometimes I wish I had a Gilmore Girls thing going, but I just don’t.
2. Your addictions: my addiction is work…I enjoy everything about it. I think I’m pretty good at it. And it’s an accepted addiction.  But it doesn’t make sense for me to work like I did. The money I earn won’t be life changing, and I have people I love who are aging around me and need me. I tried consulting: but doing it part time was even harder. So, I’ve been doing things for free…talks, meetings, free advice as a way of giving back. Addictions which harm you physically are huge issues, but I think the mental addictions are hard too.
3. Your needs. I need at least 8 hours of sleep. Always did. Would leave parties at college a half hour after we got there because I would rather be sleeping. People laughed, but it didn’t matter. My friends know they can’t call me after 8. I define a need as something that if I don’t get it, I just don’t feel my best self.
4. “It’s not a problem if you can write a check and make it go away.” I just started using this term because I have figured out that you can spend money to make a problem go away….I would always try to do it myself. Sometimes, just not worth it.
5. Be brave.  My dad suffered from hallucinations as a result of the Parkinson’s. We finally found a drug that helped (Nuplazid), but it was heartbreaking to hear his  stories of someone smoking in the living room at night. When I asked him what he did, he said “I was very brave and told them to get out!”  When I need to be brave, I think of that.

After working at Amex, I only kept one thing. I got “Oh, The Places You’ll Go!” by Dr Seuss, signed by folks like a yearbook. It was one of the best gifts I’ve gotten and yes, it made me happy.