I once went to this amazing leadership course where we did this one exercise where we were told to shout negative things to a person standing with their arms out: “You’re dumb!”, “You can’t do anything right!”, “You can’t win!”  The instructor went over to him and pushed his arms down easily.

We then shouted positive things to the person: “You’re great!”, “You’re the best!”, “You can do anything!”, and when the instructor tried to push his arms down, he couldn’t. The person was able to resist. Seriously.

So here are some things to say to yourself depending on the circumstance:A. When you are interviewing for a new job:

In your head: “I am an amazing player. I have skills, experience and a track record. I can play any position.”

The listener’s reaction: “I want you on my team.”

B. When you have a big presentation:

In your head: “I know this better than anyone in the room. I got this. It’s going to be a great conversation.”

The listener’s reaction: “You believe in this work.”

C. When you’re dealing with someone you think doesn’t like you:

In your head: “I know this person is a good person. We can reach common ground. It’s not personal.”

The listener’s reaction: “You want to help me.”

No negative thoughts. No reason to weaken your own arms.