This article, “Ten Ways You’re Making Your Life Harder Than It Has to Be” struck a chord with me. I agree with all ten ways, but the harder question is how do you change?

I don’t know that you can change from a taker to a giver, or visa versa, but I do think you can incrementally move yourself along the continuum. So if you want to be more of a giver, here are some of the things I’ve found helpful:

1. If someone looks upset, don’t ignore it. Ask them what’s wrong or if they are ok, and if you can help in any way. Sometimes just knowing someone’s paying attention is enough. Sometimes you can help.
2. Balance your criticism if you sense the audience is feeling demoralized: “I know sometimes I can seem like I’m micro managing and way too in the weeds. This is probably the control freak in me. But I want everyone to know that I believe in this team, and I have the utmost faith this group of people can get this done.” You can be critical of an outcome if the people believe you support them as individuals.
3. Stop comparing yourself to others, or avoid those situations entirely. If there are triggers to your self esteem (e.g. a particular friend, a situation) eliminate them. I love the quote from Teddy Roosevelt… “Comparison is the thief of joy.”