It’s hard to get the right balance between power and attractiveness, but you need both to be a good leader. You need enough power to be credible, enough attractiveness so that others want to help you:
If you’ve been told you’re too abrupt, too results oriented, sometimes “pointy elbowed”, it helps to introduce changes like the following:
- Ask people what they think. Not everything should be a command from you. Solicit other people’s feedback and consider it.
- Sit forward, and nod as the speaker makes eye contact with you. You are quietly saying “I’m with you, I agree, I support you.”
- Make inclusive summary statements: “It sounds like we’ve agreed to do x, not sure about y, and definitely won’t do z. Does that sound right?”
If you’ve been told you’re too nice, lack gravitas, senior folks aren’t sure you can make the tough decision:
- Don’t give in all the time. If someone counters you, but you know you’re right, stick to your guns. I often say “At the end of the day it’s your decision, but I don’t agree.”
- Don’t telegraph agreement before you need to. Some folks agree with everything that comes out of my mouth as I’m saying it. That’s not what I want: I want to know when you really agree with me, and when you don’t.
- When it’s a tough decision, make it. Don’t shy away from it, don’t kick the can down the road. Doing the right thing almost always means making the tough decision.