So I met with someone who asked me for advice on something I am not qualified to answer.

She asked me about work/life balance when you’re a mother.

So, I tried. Here’s what I believe, based on what I have seen and heard:

I think if you frame the issue as a choice between work or your children, no competition. Your children will always win and rightfully so.  So I suggested to her that she re-frame the question as to whether or not she can have both work and time with her children in a way that makes sense to her.

This individual really enjoys her work. She likes the validation that “she’s still got a brain that can contribute.” I got the sense from her she likes all the things that work gives her.  But she clearly feels guilty.

It’s a deeply personal choice. I don’t have the answers. What I would say is don’t opt out preemptively.  Maybe you can have a flexible work arrangement, once you’ve established yourself as a known quantity. Maybe you can outsource the stuff at home you don’t need to do yourself to create some capacity. My advice is don’t assume the answer is no before you ask the question if having both is important to you.

(P.S. – I have never seen someone get told no on a flexible work arrangement. As a colleague once said to me “They’d rather have you some of the time, than none of the time.”