I’ve started an assignment and it’s an interesting one where I’m coaching/advising and explaining best practices based on my experience as a COO. In those situations, it’s sometimes hard to tell whether or not your audience is 1) being polite, 2) secretly bored and planning what they’re going to eat for dinner, or 3) quietly resentful because they have lots of other things they could be doing. Continue reading
This year I had the opportunity to say a few words to newly promoted women Managing Directors. I couldn’t do it this year, but this is what I would have said:
“Congratulations to each of you on this accomplishment. For many of you, this most likely represents a first. Maybe you’re the first female MD promotion in your group, the first MD promotion in your family, the first Asian female MD in your division. It’s just the beginning of many firsts.
Here is the one thing I would ask of each of you: to coach, to mentor, to give feedback, to be available for other women who are coming up behind us.
Because our responsibility is to make sure our “firsts” don’t become the “only”. “
So this has been getting a lot of attention in the press about how you need sponsors, not only mentors. I recently held a “lunch and learn” session with my real-life “sponsor”, and he told a great story that I think sheds light on what sponsorship means…
So how many of you were rooting for Julianne Moore to win the Oscar?
She’s been nominated a number of times, but never won. In 2002, she was nominated for two Academy awards in the same year (Far from Heaven, and the Hours). Her choices are so varied, and so brave. But the two films I love her the most in are “Trust the Man”, directed by her husband Bart Freundlich – a funny, sad, and entertaining movie with her character married to David Duchovny, who’s having an affair, and Maggie Gyllenhaal with Billy Crudup, as the perpetual child who won’t commit. The dinner scene where he meets Maggie’s new German boyfriend is hilarious.
But the movie I like her best in is “What Maisie Knew” – a beautiful independent film with Julianne Moore as a rock n roll singer, devoted to her child, going through a break up and custody battle with her partner (Steve Coogan). Maisie is a perceptive little girl who relies on her nanny and her mother’s new husband to gain stability in her life, while still loving her flawed parents. Julianne’s scene as the mother who realizes what’s best for her child is amazing. Click here for the trailer…available on Netflix!
Full confession: in my career, I’ve not had great success with formal mentoring programs. Maybe it’s just me.
Once, I had breakfast with a “mentor” who was assigned to me. We had nothing in common. We’d try to get a conversation going, only to have it run out of gas. I kept trying, but it was really hard. It was the longest breakfast I ever had, and all I had was oatmeal.
A mentor is someone who knows you, who’s interested in your career, who feels a connection to you. Someone you can trust, share your concerns, go to when faced with dilemmas. It’s hard to successfully assign a match for both the mentor and the mentee.
But I have had many people mentor me. How is that possible?
One way to do this is to reach out for a conversation. Like “having a cup of coffee” with various people. So, if someone has a really interesting role, or has done some interesting things, drop them an email “Would love to have a cup of coffee/meet for lunch/meet for breakfast/just meet to talk about your career and how you got to be “fill in blank”. Would it be all right for me to set up something at your convenience?”
It’s much less stressful than the formal “will you adopt me, pay for my wedding, forever be there” mentor set ups.
Everyone says yes. It may take some time, but you won’t hear no.
This lets you get to know the person, and gradually develop a potential mentoring relationship. At the very least, you’ll spend an hour with someone who will share their experiences with you. At the most, it might evolve to a true mentoring relationship: someone in the organization who feels responsibility for you and is there to help you. BTW, it’s great when they’re senior. But it’s also just as rewarding when it’s a colleague.
If you don’t have a mentor, and always had mentor-envy, try it and see.