Often, people misunderstand other people\u2019s intentions\u2026.especially when the majority of our communications are non-verbal. Hastily sent emails on blackberry are not the best ways of conveying information, yet it\u2019s the majority of what we do.<\/p>\n
So when you get the email which strikes you as nasty, rude, abrupt, condescending, embarrassing, humiliating\u2026.(add adjective) and you start drafting an equally annoyed\u00a0response\u2026.<\/p>\n
Or when a peer tells you that they were talking to your boss, and your boss is \u201cupset that you\u2019re not pulling your weight\u201d, \u201cyou\u2019re not competent\u201d, \u201cunhappy with you\u201d\u2026<\/p>\n
Or when someone is giving you feedback that strikes you as wrong\u2026.<\/p>\n
Assume positive intent.<\/strong> \u00a0Assume that they are not trying to get you upset, angry, humiliated. Assume that they want the best for you, but the way they are communicating it is not making you feel that way.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Take a breath, and think about doing one of the following: So, do some people have negative intent? Sure. But most of the time, there’s a miscommunication or misunderstanding that leads inadvertently to\u00a0people\u00a0not trusting each other, escalating,\u00a0and not\u00a0talking. So assume positive intent until you are proven unequivocally otherwise.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Often, people misunderstand other people\u2019s intentions\u2026.especially when the majority of our communications are non-verbal. Hastily sent emails on blackberry are not the best ways of conveying information, yet it\u2019s the majority of what we do. So when you get the email which strikes you as nasty, rude, abrupt, condescending, embarrassing, humiliating\u2026.(add adjective) and you start […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":47,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-28","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-perform-better"],"yoast_head":"\n
\n1. Call the person. No email lob back. In a friendly, interested manner, say \u201cHey, I saw the email you just sent. I was a little taken aback because you seemed upset. What\u2019s going on?\u201d
\nMost times, the person 1) didn\u2019t mean for it to sound that way, 2) was upset but it\u2019s not about you, it\u2019s about the situation, 3) realized after they sent it and now, re-reading it, sees that it probably wasn\u2019t the best way to convey their thoughts. Or there is an issue. But it\u2019s better resolved in person than in email.
\n2. Go to the source. You don\u2019t need to say who told you, but it\u2019s best to ask \u201cIs there anything you\u2019re concerned about regarding my performance?\u201d If there is, your boss should tell you. If there isn\u2019t, maybe the messenger got the wrong message.
\n3. Listen to the words, not the emotion. In a meeting with all the heads of a business I supported (I was in operations), the head of Europe sales said \u201cOperations is the cancer of this business!\u201d There was a dead silence as everyone looked at me. I mumbled something. After the break the person came up to me and shamefacedly said \u201cI was told I needed to apologize to you\u201d. I looked at him and told him, \u201cHere\u2019s the problem. When you are emotional, people focus on how you\u2019re saying things\u2026not what you\u2019re saying. So even though what you\u2019re saying is\u00a0what you feel\u00a0(we did have operational issues), people dismiss the issues because they say you\u2019re emotional. It\u2019s better if you try and keep the emotion out of it.\u201d We got along fine after that.<\/p>\n