So for those of you who have seen my lessons learned list, you know that this is my number one lesson learned. Because it doesn’t matter what else you do, if you don’t get this right…you’re going to run into problems. So why do so many people get this one wrong?1. They are afraid. People are afraid of speaking up, looking expendable, and being “found out”. Fear is the worst emotion to bring into the workplace….it will second guess all your instincts and look to pull you back. So how do you deal with it?
- Ask yourself: what happens if I do nothing? Will things go wrong? Will I feel bad, even if no one else knows?
- What do I really have to lose? If I’ve been a trusted person my whole career, it’s doubtful it hinges on one situation. I find that if I’m right, people trust me more.
- What’s the best way to express my concern? I am a big believer in sidebars. Pull the person aside and have a conversation. Announcing your concern in a big group can be tough….especially if it puts someone on the defensive.
- Self-protect: having savings does a lot to reduce your fear factor. You know you have a plan b.
2. They use their brainpower to rationalize.
- Instead of finding an answer, they rationalize their behavior by making excuses. Remember what my grandmother used to say…. “An excuse is the skin of a reason wrapped around a lie.”
3. They’re just jerks.
- We don’t like to judge people. Sometimes people’s behaviors rub us the wrong way. When I get in those situations, I ask myself:
- Is this incident a one off? Or is it a pattern? If it’s a pattern, I get concerned…”Jerk radar” goes off.
- What motivates the behavior? Is it because the person is a jerk, or is it because he/she believes that’s the right path? If it’s a strategy (how) issue vs a character (who I am) issue, I can deal with it.
- These can be tough situations because everyone tends to know the person is a problem, and you’re probably not in a position to address it yourself. So this is what I do:
- Mitigate the situation: is there someone else to work with to get done what you need?
- Make clear your concern to the people who matter. Work is too hard to try and get it done with someone you don’t trust. Remember the 3 things someone is always trying to figure out about you: 1) Do I like you? 2) Can I work with you? and 3) Do I trust you? You can work with someone for years and never get to a good answer on question 3…and that’s ok. But how are the people answering these questions about you?