I got a question as to how to handle the following situation: you will now start managing a former peer that you haven’t been impressed with.  Managing difficult people is the hardest job there is, bar none. As a manager, you want to be respected, effective, and liked. But sometimes you get a person who is either 1) threatened by you, 2) wanting to sabotage you, or 3) just plain doesn’t like you. What to do?

There are a couple of strategies I use depending on the situation:

1. First, I try to figure out if this is a skill or will problem. Sometimes when people don’t have the skills, they get defensive, push back on deadlines, or question what it is you’re trying to do. If someone doesn’t have the skills, I either show them how  (literally sitting them through how I would do it), or team them with someone who’s really good at whatever it is (writing, spreadsheets, whatever) . It’s always a learning moment, and I explain it that way.
2. Usually, it’s a will problem. For whatever reason…they’ve just decided that they’re not going to play. So, strategies I have used:
   1. Ignore their emotion and focus on the task at hand.  My attitude is “I don’t care if you like me, but you do have to perform” and that’s what I focus on.   I’m tough, but fair. Most times, people will have a grudging respect for your approach, particularly if they see it’s successful.   I always give them the win publicly….and they feel better.
   2. Call them on it: “You know, I get the sense you’re not happy with me being here. Want to talk about it?”  And then listen. Let them have their say. Sometimes it’s about you, but a lot of times, they’re frustrated with themselves- at their lack of progress, at some other senior person who made promises. You’d be surprised how often it’s not about you.
   3. Focus on the future and commit to helping them…get the next promotion, more money, more responsibility. Not that you can definitely get it, but that you will help them. And stick with your promise: a monthly touch base strictly on feedback, getting a coach, setting up mentors. You are their manager…now they are your responsibility to help get better.
3. If none of the above work, then it’s time to move them. Typically, they are not so bad that they should be fired from the firm (if they are, you need to do it), but they need to be somewhere else. Work from a place of positive intent: Suggest to them that you think they would be happier doing something else for someone else. Offer to help find that new role. Be honest with the hiring manager. Sometimes, it’s just not the right fit.  And you can’t spend all your energy on this one person if you’ve tried everything.

I once had someone working for me who hated me. He thought he should have had my job, that I added no value, argued with me about everything, threatened to leave….you name it. I knew he wanted to be promoted some day, but needed a lot of coaching and feedback to get there. So I did all the things I listed: not because I was worried about him leaving, but more because I could see he was basically a good guy with hurt feelings. After a few months, he told me 1) I had given him more honest feedback that any manager he had ever worked for, and 2) he understood why I was in the job.   It doesn’t always work out, but it’s worth the effort to try.